My cravings for spicy food

Okay, before we go into -my cravings for spicy food- or how I ended up so, the N times apologize from me for not updating regularly. I had been questioning life again and again, feeling all insecurities and felt so depressed until the point I can't be on social media anymore, everything is making me sickening. 

I was also questioning why did I start blogging when there is no one there to read, when there is no one that cares, when all the time I spent on writing all these post gone wasted, no one even care about my life. I lost direction, trying to think of something to write that people out there really want to read, but then I was limited.

I decided to come back here for a post to update my life, as one of the reason I started this blog was just to record down my life. Back then I did not find a reason yet, but I was thinking everything needs a start! and I randomly started, it's been more than two years I continued doing this, and yet I still can't find a reason and I started questioning whether I should continue, as this blog felt like a goal without an objective(?) or without a reason and direction.

Deep feelings aside, still gonna update my life anyway!

How's life? Busy. As usual.

I was at a point that I feel like I can't pass this semester, a point I felt so helpless and wanted to just give up. That was how busy and tough this semester is, but gladly I think I survived, slowly to finals and ending this semester.

Last tuition free week I did not go home and stayed here in Miri, enjoying life till max. I guess?

This was a morning when I had a meeting with a very inspiring person

went to a one day site visit in Bintulu

alcohol every night to end the day

 gym everyday which has a sauna room

 Trying to stay healthy and have homecook food when we can. 

My housemate is not a fan of meat so mostly are veges. 

I am also addicted cutting my bangs it goes shorter and shorter.

I don't like it hanging in front of my eyes, and shorter means I can wait longer for the next time.

I was too naive, forgetting I have curly hair, now I can't even control how my bangs look like LOL.

I did not know when did I start craving for spicy food. 

I had been a very good girl that try to eat as plain as possible, as I know I can easily get heated up if I don't control what I eat. This includes having toothache, sore throat, pimple bursting everywhere and also fat ._. as spicy food really do make you eat more.

I don't know how is my stomach condition now, I am not even good at eating spicy food to start with, and my record for the past few weeks was crazy.

All of these are some fancy and spicy meals I had. Other than these, I probably was eating nothing, or having cereal with coffee as breakfast and supper. You can definitely tell my life is messed up by what I was eating.

samyang yessss

sarawak laksa

thai fish burger

korean bibimbap

ma la ban mee

ayam penyet

kimchi fried rice

yes I found penang laksa

Okay I made myself all hungry posting these.

I painted my nails black pink for a few days.

Then removed it as my fingers felt cold.

Learnt to appreciate the view from my window.

I always love these calming views.

but mostly my view will be this...

trying to love my studies.

A stack of notes, a tab, my pencil case and calculators.

These are the things that give me comfort.

Along with snacks, chocs, coffee and a huge bottle of water.

This was from OpenDay.

This was also how I felt for the past few weeks.

I don't know who I am, I don't know what I want.

I just want to hide.

I felt insecure.

Till the next time I update =)

#DearYou

Hi I am back and after so much thinking, I guess I'll be starting this #DearYou series as I felt that most of my posts here talks about what happened in life and what I went through, but less and none about how I really feel inside.
I write less about my feelings as I find it very hard to express myself and also I feel naked exposing all my feelings including my negative thoughts and weakness out there.
Most of my deep feelings are kept in my diary but under this #DearYou series will probably be where I grew, where I learnt, where I hope to tell myself that it is okay to be not okay.

All posts under this will be the most random things that happens in life, including lots and lots of negative thoughts and imperfections. It is okay to just skip if you don't feel like reading it, but in another way, if there is one, and only one that felt the same way and being able to relate, I guess my goal have reached.

Other than that, since it'll be recording how I feel during my highest and lowest, I get to see back when I am lack of motivation, or when I feel too high up there and need to be back to reality and stay grounded.
It is very hard for me to express how I really feel inside, so #DearYou might be very rare, but I just want it be there.