Aimless

Let's be frank,
we all hate being aimless,
being to not know what to do next.

But something worse than this,
is the moment when you know what you wanna do next,
but you still can't start,
just like me,now.

I have so much things I wanna do,
so many things I wanna start to work hard,
but now I'm stuck here in front of my desk,
studying for my finals,
which should be quite interesting for me as a nerd,
but seriously I was stuck here for more than two weeks,
can't bare more, please end, thanks.

I remembered the days before I came study,
the long gap holiday made me aimless,
its not that I don't wanna go for an adventure or anything,
but the days are not that long but still can't consider short,
that's the most boring days.
Trying to stick on a routine so I won't laze,

Now I have so many things I wanna share,
something I'm planning to share,
but let's face this,
finals is important,
going back to study,
....or sleep.

Escapade

I've never did a food review before,
so this may be the very first post,
because, why not? 6皿6

Today I was actually planning to go for a medical checkup,
but most of Miri's clinics close on Sundays. (wtf?!!)
Since we're already in town,
and we were craving for sushi,
so we went to one of the most recommended Japanese cuisine here at Miri.

ESCAPADE.

Its located by the beach,
so totally amazing view outside,
the environment inside is quite nice,
nice service but the crowd on this weekend spoiled a little.
We only got a bar seat,
but since its just two of us so its okay.

Mini salmon Mayo.

Sashimi here is very nice,you can taste the freshness of it, I can still remember the thickness of this ball of happiness. We actually ordered this two times as it never gets enough!

Cha Soba

Look at that cute little egg! LOL There's three types of soup you can choose from, we chose the regular shoyu taste, and this thing didn't fail me. Slurp it down in seconds!

Gyoza

Gyoza is a must go food every time I go for Japanese cuisine. Well the gyoza here is just okay compared to all those greatness I tried before, ranking at the middle part. Its not that it doesn't taste good but my standards are high XD Still, this fixed my cravings for gyoza so not that much feeling disappointed LOL

View outside the restaurant.

There's quite a wide varieties of food to choose from, all kinds of sushi you can think of. The teishouku here includes those traditional ones and also those modern ones like kimchi flavored ramen. Oh and also they have this anmitsu parfait that I really wanted to try!(which I didn't try LOL) Since its halal so they don't have osake here.

The service here is quite nice as they'll politely ask you to wait although they're dealing with the full house customers. Food came quite fast so this is really a bonus! Price is slightly expensive to the locals (?) but its acceptable and quite similar to the Japanese cuisine back at my hometown. They have a beach beside so its very nice to have a stroll by the beach after that.

I got to try a lot more thanks to my friend who had similar taste of food just like me, as we shared half of everything. Also a great thank you to my small tummy that saved my wallet haha.

Please look forward to my next food review! Hope there is one XD

Accepting myself

Its midnight,
I'm not sleeping,
don't ask why,
but I feel like sharing my story.

This morning,
I thought and realized,
that how much I had changed over these years,
about accepting myself.

To people who knows me,
I'm a light eater,
with a small appetite,
and I'll skip meals just because I'm lazy.

But to people who really knows me,
I have a very good appetite,
I can constantly eat a lot,
and I eat everything and totally not a picky eater.

So all of these started when I was in secondary school (?)

There is always a time that every of us,
will come to a stage that you want to change yourself,
when you realize the word 'beauty',
and you start to take care more of your appearance.

Well for me,
not so same,
at that time I realized how worse I looked.
I can't accept every bits of myself.
Flat nose, crooked teeth, small eyes, high forehead, curly hair that's always messy, a bit bare in the forehead, bad skin condition, pale skin that makes my pimples stand out, too macho broad shoulders, 'broad' face, chubby cheeks.
Nothing seems right.

I will usually go out with oversize shirt,
and....who am I kidding,
I don't usually go out too.
Maybe that was the time I was trying to start to find myself,
starting as an introvert.

I read a lot,
trying to find my inner beauty,
since I think I can't do anything with my outer side (ahaha
I picked up a lot of hobbies,
which becomes the things that I can hold on when I have nothing.
I trained a lot I went gym,
because I think that's the only part that I dislike which I can change.

but it didn't turn out well,
I starve myself eating little, I don't eat dinner,
I constantly worked out an hour at a daily basis,
for more than a year.
but I still remained quite the same,
now although I'm still aiming high,
but I started to accept my flaws,
and not feeling very disgusting in my own self.

One thing I realized is,
self-acceptance is quite important.
As I was leading and organizing events back then,
I need to socialize with all kind of people,
I need to learn to talk with all kinds of people,
and usually I'll be the one to start the conversation.

During camps,
when all of them were new to each other,
I'll need to be the one that's sweet and lovely,
and show everyone the crazy side of me,
to make them feel belonged,
and make them not to feel lost.

This changed me a lot,
from a total introvert,
that can't communicate well even buying things.

I was shocked too.

Now,
although my appearance doesn't change much,
but I started to accept myself,
and also figured out a way to keep on going.

Your attitude,
your way of eating, talking, walking, sitting,
everything matters.
You may be thinking,
'nahh so susah buat pa, I'll just be myself'
Yes, its because that you are the type that can accept yourself.

I believe there's a lot of people like me,
that have a very low self esteem.
Try to work on very little things in life,
and when all the complicated susah work becomes your habit,
you won't even think that's hard to maintain.

Now I am still myself.
Still an introvert,
but just adjustable to a outgoing person.
Maybe I had two sides of me,
the one that's the original,
introvert, enjoy silence and alone.
And the developed outgoing me,
that can socialize and lead.

Although there's still some times,
that I feel I'm nothing I'm useless,
but the important part is that I really changed a lot,
at least I started to accept myself.
And just starting means a lot to me.

Shit

This is my first expression knowing that I was accepted by one of the Korea's projects.Yes,SHIT.

This may be a long story.
One of my life goals(fancy not that fancy =/ ) is to go around countries,
not only to travel, but to stay a period, live their life, know the people.
Before I came here,
I already knew that there is something called AIESEC,
and it really got my interest.
But just when I wanted to sign up,
they membership was closed...
(but at the same time I was really grateful since I got to involve in much more other activities)

So just a few weeks ago,
they started something called Global Citizen,
I was interested but felt like
 'nahhh I don't want to waste RM600 on something risky'
(I was not sure about the chances being accepted by projects)
Also,others told me that
'nahh you will be much more involved once you started degree,chill now'
So I was thinking maybe next time if I am a member,
maybe I'll apply since the chances being accepted may be higher.

Things change.
One night when I went training,
one of my friends mentioned that she's going for one of the project,
and she's not a member of AIESEC.
I asked a lot about it,
and straight at that night had a short conversation with the person in charge on whatsapp.
The next day night,
I got interviewed by the people here.
Less than an hour I was told I passes,
and the next moment I was being interviewed by the people from Taiwan for one of the project.

The very next day,
I got accepted by the Taiwan project (unbelievable right?!!)
Everything came so fast,
I didn't even have the chance to mention it to my parents LOL
Its quite hard to tell them all,
since I was thinking like 'maybe try interview first'
If pass then tell them maybe I'll be going overseas.
But now,I passed everything,just almost in a day 0.o

So I briefly told my parents,
as expected,their reaction was 'GO LAHH'
(too open minded parents here)
They didn't even ask more about details until I mentioned ==

So why did I said Korea earlier?
That's another long story.

Recently I was so into those Korea's vlog,
and just days before I told Zoe, I WANT GO KOREA!
So I told the person in charge here that I was interested in Korea too ._.

He was like
"Korea quite hard to get oo"
"If they didn't reply you in two weeks probably means you are filtered"
"Apply all 15 projects offered by Korea for higher chances"
"Don't have high hope kay?"
So what I did,
we got to choose only 15 projects out from every country worldwide,
I chose all Korea's ._.

and BANG!
I got asked for interview (YAY!)
from four projects (YAYYYY!)
but time arrangement was damn tiring.
Rushing class,training,lab,presentation,assignments and INTERVIEWS.

and Today morning,
got an interview before tutorial class,
(accidentally slept on bus and forgot my purse)
worked on programming project,
rushed home and wanted to work on my presentation slides before going training.
AND I GOT AN EMAIL SAID BEING ACCEPTED TO KOREA.

IS THIS A DREAM?
I immediately screenshot and sent it to the person in charge here to confirm,
and he says yes and a congratz.
(who told me very hard to get == who said no one got interview ==)

Well I think its because of my CV,
I went volunteeered a looooot since high school days,
not because of anything but just because I'm interested,
and until the time I need to fill up my CV,
there's quite a lot to fill especially its something for volunteering or organizing events.
and also I speak a lot of languages (?)
My advice: Be involved.Marks mean nothing.XD (but getting straight A's prove yourself hehe)

Now my very problem is I really want to go to Korea,
since I want to try going somewhere where I don't speak the language,
but suddenly that becomes the only reason!
I mean before this isn't I was dying to go?
Now I can't even come out with reasons to convince myself.
Another difference is that going Taiwan I'll be spending less.
DECISION MAKING IS SO DAMN HARD.
THAT'S WHY.SHIT.
My parents advice? They said MAKE YOUR OWN DECISION. T^T

Life update:
Everything is hectic.
Less then a month and this semester will ends.
Dealing with final individual presentation slides,
Programming project which cracks my head,
Finals so very soon,
Training three times a week now,
Saturday having Taekwondo grading test.
Tomorrow having seminar for exchange program,
Next week will be having second math assessment,
Going lots of interview for exchange programs,
Finding time for a medical checkup to one of the projects,
Owhh life,why I love you so much..




(I'LL BE VERYYYY GRATEFUL IF THERE'S COMMENTS AND ADVICE)
(ANYTHING WILL DO BECAUSE I'M STUCK DECIDING)