It's all about the little moments

Today is the last Friday of 2018.
It felt like just a normal day, a normal week.
The everyday routine now is wake before 7am, get out of the house around 730am, reach office 8am, work whole day, get home around 8pm, cook dinner and do chores until 9pm, workout until 10pm, shower then sleep.
It's work, cook, workout, shower, sleep and repeat for weekdays.
Somehow it does feel a little robot, but filling the time up with things to improve myself, so to learn to love myself more, it might be the hard way, but it's worth it.


I am glad 2018 has been great.
Thanks to this roller coaster ride for returning up, I hope I can remember this moment, and continue this feeling.


I remembered starting the year in Korea with strangers wishing me Happy New Year, and this year is ending soon with mom and Bii came before Christmas and spent a great and warm weekend (with a lot of shopping).
I got the chance to stay in Korea for two months, living life as a local.
I started a new semester in Miri by giving up all, and gaining the most important ones.
I travelled six countries in a month in summer.
I got the chance to exchange in Perth for a semester, seeing more of the world and met friends that care for me.
I started interning in one of the top oil&gas company (with amazing working culture and great colleagues), started living life with Zoe after being apart for five years.
aaaand a lot of small little things throughout.


2018 moments:
- exercised for the whole year
- learnt a new language in Korea
- went to PyeongChang Olympics
- started vlogging to record moments
- did my JLPT test after so many years
- learnt to cook thanks to Cindy!
- exchanged in Perth
- travelled six countries in a month
- living life the whole year out of a M size suitcase
- went to Day6 concert!
- does meeting Vivianna counts(?)
- started intern in an oil&gas company
- went to Animenz and Theister concert
- cycled a whole day at Rottness island


I guess in life there are ups and downs and I am glad this year was filled with amazing people and moments that makes my dull part a little brighter.


2019 goals: record more moments, learn to treat others a little better, work harder like crazy, live the moment

It's my third week of internship.
I got into an oil and gas company, which was one of the top8 list I had.


It is a dream come true, I have to say.
Getting in one of the top companies is my goal, and it turned out being a very good one training interns too.
I got to do presentation, I need to learn about the whole company. I was spending a lot of my time talking to engineers in different disciplines. Everyone was doing very professional works, and everyone is just very enthusiast in solving problems. When I asked about their disciplines, they replied me immediately and made me meet them, introducing me and taught me so many things about the upstream field, showing me projects they are working on and some just spent more than an hour just to make me familiar.
Other than that, I have a technical task to work on. I have a supervisor and he asked me to do research on two technologies and come out with a report for him. I thought it was just a random topic until one morning I was suddenly asked to join a meeting with vendors from the outside, with people from Norway and the UK, then I realized it is for a project they are working on.
It felt magical. I did not expect myself doing something such important, and I am so glad I was given the chance.


The company is also amazing in its working culture.
We have very flexible working time: in and out at whenever time, as long as we finish 40 hours work a week. There was one Friday I left at 12pm and went out to meet my friend. Weekend felt like three days!
On my first day to work, I got my own desk, my monitor, a huge set of stationaries, and my own desk phone (which I did not expect that I actually used it quite a lot alrdy HAHA)
The people here are also very helpful, very caring and always ready to teach. There was a few times where I bumped into people in the pantry or the washroom, and people just walked up to greet me "Are you the new intern?" or "Are you Siah Qi?" and started to ask things about me.
They are always helpful in teaching me useful things, that is useful in the future. From what information and knowledge I get to learn about the upstream oil and guess field, to what companies that I can apply, and even interview tips for the future. There was one day where I left home late and someone just walked to my desk and taught me to access the company's library for more things I can read on when I'm free. Thinking that they have so many things to work on, and they still spend time caring and teaching me, I just can't be more grateful!


Seeing stories posted on my ig, a lot of people came to ask about my company.
Funny enough is that the company is currently having only me as the intern coming in at this time, and the pay is quite okay comparing to the allowance the other companies offer me.
Going around the company I still get questions like "Do you know someone in the company to get a placement here?" and that makes me more grateful for getting this offer! I know I have to work even harder to reach theirs and my expectation.


The company is currently working on new projects, and seeing people so passionate working everyday makes me love more about what I am learning and I somehow just can't wait to start working (although I still prefer studying and being stress free financially lol).


Imagine living in a big city I always hope for, staying with Zoe and going to work together, taking care of each other. She is working very hard for her job right now, working so much more hours than I do, and even spend her evenings at home working. Seeing her being so passionate and work so hard for her job is just so inspiring everyday!
I will definitely miss the drives back home everyday, where we share on what we are currently doing about our job, although it is two different worlds, it feels amazing listening to stories and also how different we are.
Also the last time we were staying together for a long period was 5 years ago, where I was sitting for my PMR and she was sitting for SPM. We spent so much time supporting each other, studying together and went through so much together too at that time. 5 years later, it feels amazing that both of us started working, being part of the adult society, still as close.
This is definitely something we couldn't imagine 5 years ago. I am also very glad it is Zoe who is the one together with me, motivating and inspiring me with what she is doing. I love LOVE looooove how we are growing and becoming a better person together <3 (and Bii too, I need to mention her more, she is even amazing <33333

The first Saturday since I am back in Malaysia.
Zoe went to her company annual trip to Port Dickson and I am home alone whole day.

Just finished a phone call, with a a harsh word and hanging up the phone in a bad manner.
I had how much I care. I hate how much it hurts.

Its been a while since I felt so.
I want to run out the house and just jump off from the fence. I want it to end.
Reality. It's so suffocating living others life.
I never felt so for so long throughout the years. Never did I felt sad when I was in Perth. Just because two sentence of harsh words I can't control myself crying.

I hate the weak me.
but I even hate people that fight for no reason.
I hate people who say things without thinking of my feelings.
I hate how they want to make life worse when it is already so bad.
I hate how they never care for my feelings.
I hate how they remind my low self esteem.
Why can't we talk in a good way?
Is this what you call love?
I am just a human that is struggling to survive.

I will probably forget what is this little thing that happens today.
but after so long, this is the day when I totally don't want to talk to anyone.
Even a coming message makes me wants to swallow pills and end everything.

I hate myself.
I hope I will never have the courage to end.

Little things

The little things that made this year warm.
It's a year I met so many good and nice people in life, probably just because a little change in mindset to help and give than to take. Amazing things happened after that and my life suddenly became warm.

I remember I started this year in Korea, when it is so cold in a city that I don't speak the language, by myself with a lot of luggage, a girl that was trying to get out of her comfort zone.
It was just before going on my flight from KL, I texted a friend that I know who is Korean, and she immediately says that she can go around with me a few days and asked me to stay at her place.
I was so shocked by that time as she replied without even thinking. That night, her dad drove around 2 hours to the airport in another state to fetch me almost midnight, and I had a really warm night for my first day in Korea.
The next day we went around and count down together with a huge crowds, trying to keep each other warm and wishing people around Happy New Year. Although I don't know how to say it in Korean, and just blankly following what other says, it was so cold that night, but my heart was so warm.

After that I moved to a girl's hostel where I stayed in a bunk bed in a room of eight.
I was not expecting anything, just hope time flies by faster before I can go to a better house.
It was a very small room where we don't even have space to open up our luggage. In that small room there's seven other girls some travel together some traveled alone.
I remember I was so shy and was with my bed curtain closed all the time.
A girl approached me with strawberries she bought, and another girl gave me a banana milk too. From then I started knowing them, some are here for a concert, a girl (which I now still keep in touch) was here from US to teach English, everyone was alone but not but not lonely.

Time in Daegu was great. Maybe it's a small city and the people there are all so warm.
They actually don't need to keep us accompanied during the free time, but despite having a lot of homework to catch up or part time to work, they spent all of their free time bringing us to places we want to go. I still remember that night where we had to say goodbye, we went for dinner and two friends left for tuition. We continues to play bowling until 11pm, and another guy was going for tuition after that at that time.
Although they are younger than me, they thought me a lot more and was much more mature than I am.

I then traveled to GangNeung for winter Olympics where I stay in a room with another Japanese lady who is also a fan of Yuzuru.
She is at the age older than my grandma, which she started to follow figure skating games since she retired. She don't have any social media account, not even good using the internet, but she managed to get around the world, with the help of others to get a flight tix or a game tix, even better than I do.
She was following me the whole time when we went, and was telling my lots of stories, I brought her to random places I want to visit, even introduced her to VR games.

Other than that I met so many people travelling around purely because of the games in that hostel. They shared a lot of stories that makes me realized how big this world is and how small I am, and also how big I can dream and achieve too.
I promised myself I have to work much harder in the future, to see the world myself, to meet more people, hear more stories, and also to share the journey to inspire more people, that we can do more than what we think.
I remembered that night leaving GangNeung, the hostel lady even sent me out on the taxi and waved me goodbye. I was so touched by that time.

This is what all happened during my journey in Korea.
A country that I don't speak the language.
A country that I traveled alone by myself.
A country that made me feel so warm despite all hardships.

I then met amazing friends in Miri again, then throughout my trip in Europe for the whole month, and even more amazing people in Perth.

Leaving Perth in three days, although a lot of friends left already. I still feel so sad to leave.
I will not forget random road trips we had, random jogging session, cooking at my house, out for good food after assignments and tests, way to groceries, exploring the campus and all the weird jokes we have.
Also not to forget the Erika house gang, always not forgetting me every time there's good food or going places, always make sure I'm not alone when everyone left. I will miss nights playing board games or simply chatting, I will miss every single one of you. TT

One more month left for 2018, where I have to start a life in another country. Can't believe it's time to fake adult and do professional things. I am not sure whether I am ready, but I hope things will be smooth for me <3