The first Saturday since I am back in Malaysia.
Zoe went to her company annual trip to Port Dickson and I am home alone whole day.

Just finished a phone call, with a a harsh word and hanging up the phone in a bad manner.
I had how much I care. I hate how much it hurts.

Its been a while since I felt so.
I want to run out the house and just jump off from the fence. I want it to end.
Reality. It's so suffocating living others life.
I never felt so for so long throughout the years. Never did I felt sad when I was in Perth. Just because two sentence of harsh words I can't control myself crying.

I hate the weak me.
but I even hate people that fight for no reason.
I hate people who say things without thinking of my feelings.
I hate how they want to make life worse when it is already so bad.
I hate how they never care for my feelings.
I hate how they remind my low self esteem.
Why can't we talk in a good way?
Is this what you call love?
I am just a human that is struggling to survive.

I will probably forget what is this little thing that happens today.
but after so long, this is the day when I totally don't want to talk to anyone.
Even a coming message makes me wants to swallow pills and end everything.

I hate myself.
I hope I will never have the courage to end.