It's all about the little moments

Today is the last Friday of 2018.
It felt like just a normal day, a normal week.
The everyday routine now is wake before 7am, get out of the house around 730am, reach office 8am, work whole day, get home around 8pm, cook dinner and do chores until 9pm, workout until 10pm, shower then sleep.
It's work, cook, workout, shower, sleep and repeat for weekdays.
Somehow it does feel a little robot, but filling the time up with things to improve myself, so to learn to love myself more, it might be the hard way, but it's worth it.


I am glad 2018 has been great.
Thanks to this roller coaster ride for returning up, I hope I can remember this moment, and continue this feeling.


I remembered starting the year in Korea with strangers wishing me Happy New Year, and this year is ending soon with mom and Bii came before Christmas and spent a great and warm weekend (with a lot of shopping).
I got the chance to stay in Korea for two months, living life as a local.
I started a new semester in Miri by giving up all, and gaining the most important ones.
I travelled six countries in a month in summer.
I got the chance to exchange in Perth for a semester, seeing more of the world and met friends that care for me.
I started interning in one of the top oil&gas company (with amazing working culture and great colleagues), started living life with Zoe after being apart for five years.
aaaand a lot of small little things throughout.


2018 moments:
- exercised for the whole year
- learnt a new language in Korea
- went to PyeongChang Olympics
- started vlogging to record moments
- did my JLPT test after so many years
- learnt to cook thanks to Cindy!
- exchanged in Perth
- travelled six countries in a month
- living life the whole year out of a M size suitcase
- went to Day6 concert!
- does meeting Vivianna counts(?)
- started intern in an oil&gas company
- went to Animenz and Theister concert
- cycled a whole day at Rottness island


I guess in life there are ups and downs and I am glad this year was filled with amazing people and moments that makes my dull part a little brighter.


2019 goals: record more moments, learn to treat others a little better, work harder like crazy, live the moment

It's my third week of internship.
I got into an oil and gas company, which was one of the top8 list I had.


It is a dream come true, I have to say.
Getting in one of the top companies is my goal, and it turned out being a very good one training interns too.
I got to do presentation, I need to learn about the whole company. I was spending a lot of my time talking to engineers in different disciplines. Everyone was doing very professional works, and everyone is just very enthusiast in solving problems. When I asked about their disciplines, they replied me immediately and made me meet them, introducing me and taught me so many things about the upstream field, showing me projects they are working on and some just spent more than an hour just to make me familiar.
Other than that, I have a technical task to work on. I have a supervisor and he asked me to do research on two technologies and come out with a report for him. I thought it was just a random topic until one morning I was suddenly asked to join a meeting with vendors from the outside, with people from Norway and the UK, then I realized it is for a project they are working on.
It felt magical. I did not expect myself doing something such important, and I am so glad I was given the chance.


The company is also amazing in its working culture.
We have very flexible working time: in and out at whenever time, as long as we finish 40 hours work a week. There was one Friday I left at 12pm and went out to meet my friend. Weekend felt like three days!
On my first day to work, I got my own desk, my monitor, a huge set of stationaries, and my own desk phone (which I did not expect that I actually used it quite a lot alrdy HAHA)
The people here are also very helpful, very caring and always ready to teach. There was a few times where I bumped into people in the pantry or the washroom, and people just walked up to greet me "Are you the new intern?" or "Are you Siah Qi?" and started to ask things about me.
They are always helpful in teaching me useful things, that is useful in the future. From what information and knowledge I get to learn about the upstream oil and guess field, to what companies that I can apply, and even interview tips for the future. There was one day where I left home late and someone just walked to my desk and taught me to access the company's library for more things I can read on when I'm free. Thinking that they have so many things to work on, and they still spend time caring and teaching me, I just can't be more grateful!


Seeing stories posted on my ig, a lot of people came to ask about my company.
Funny enough is that the company is currently having only me as the intern coming in at this time, and the pay is quite okay comparing to the allowance the other companies offer me.
Going around the company I still get questions like "Do you know someone in the company to get a placement here?" and that makes me more grateful for getting this offer! I know I have to work even harder to reach theirs and my expectation.


The company is currently working on new projects, and seeing people so passionate working everyday makes me love more about what I am learning and I somehow just can't wait to start working (although I still prefer studying and being stress free financially lol).


Imagine living in a big city I always hope for, staying with Zoe and going to work together, taking care of each other. She is working very hard for her job right now, working so much more hours than I do, and even spend her evenings at home working. Seeing her being so passionate and work so hard for her job is just so inspiring everyday!
I will definitely miss the drives back home everyday, where we share on what we are currently doing about our job, although it is two different worlds, it feels amazing listening to stories and also how different we are.
Also the last time we were staying together for a long period was 5 years ago, where I was sitting for my PMR and she was sitting for SPM. We spent so much time supporting each other, studying together and went through so much together too at that time. 5 years later, it feels amazing that both of us started working, being part of the adult society, still as close.
This is definitely something we couldn't imagine 5 years ago. I am also very glad it is Zoe who is the one together with me, motivating and inspiring me with what she is doing. I love LOVE looooove how we are growing and becoming a better person together <3 (and Bii too, I need to mention her more, she is even amazing <33333

The first Saturday since I am back in Malaysia.
Zoe went to her company annual trip to Port Dickson and I am home alone whole day.

Just finished a phone call, with a a harsh word and hanging up the phone in a bad manner.
I had how much I care. I hate how much it hurts.

Its been a while since I felt so.
I want to run out the house and just jump off from the fence. I want it to end.
Reality. It's so suffocating living others life.
I never felt so for so long throughout the years. Never did I felt sad when I was in Perth. Just because two sentence of harsh words I can't control myself crying.

I hate the weak me.
but I even hate people that fight for no reason.
I hate people who say things without thinking of my feelings.
I hate how they want to make life worse when it is already so bad.
I hate how they never care for my feelings.
I hate how they remind my low self esteem.
Why can't we talk in a good way?
Is this what you call love?
I am just a human that is struggling to survive.

I will probably forget what is this little thing that happens today.
but after so long, this is the day when I totally don't want to talk to anyone.
Even a coming message makes me wants to swallow pills and end everything.

I hate myself.
I hope I will never have the courage to end.

Little things

The little things that made this year warm.
It's a year I met so many good and nice people in life, probably just because a little change in mindset to help and give than to take. Amazing things happened after that and my life suddenly became warm.

I remember I started this year in Korea, when it is so cold in a city that I don't speak the language, by myself with a lot of luggage, a girl that was trying to get out of her comfort zone.
It was just before going on my flight from KL, I texted a friend that I know who is Korean, and she immediately says that she can go around with me a few days and asked me to stay at her place.
I was so shocked by that time as she replied without even thinking. That night, her dad drove around 2 hours to the airport in another state to fetch me almost midnight, and I had a really warm night for my first day in Korea.
The next day we went around and count down together with a huge crowds, trying to keep each other warm and wishing people around Happy New Year. Although I don't know how to say it in Korean, and just blankly following what other says, it was so cold that night, but my heart was so warm.

After that I moved to a girl's hostel where I stayed in a bunk bed in a room of eight.
I was not expecting anything, just hope time flies by faster before I can go to a better house.
It was a very small room where we don't even have space to open up our luggage. In that small room there's seven other girls some travel together some traveled alone.
I remember I was so shy and was with my bed curtain closed all the time.
A girl approached me with strawberries she bought, and another girl gave me a banana milk too. From then I started knowing them, some are here for a concert, a girl (which I now still keep in touch) was here from US to teach English, everyone was alone but not but not lonely.

Time in Daegu was great. Maybe it's a small city and the people there are all so warm.
They actually don't need to keep us accompanied during the free time, but despite having a lot of homework to catch up or part time to work, they spent all of their free time bringing us to places we want to go. I still remember that night where we had to say goodbye, we went for dinner and two friends left for tuition. We continues to play bowling until 11pm, and another guy was going for tuition after that at that time.
Although they are younger than me, they thought me a lot more and was much more mature than I am.

I then traveled to GangNeung for winter Olympics where I stay in a room with another Japanese lady who is also a fan of Yuzuru.
She is at the age older than my grandma, which she started to follow figure skating games since she retired. She don't have any social media account, not even good using the internet, but she managed to get around the world, with the help of others to get a flight tix or a game tix, even better than I do.
She was following me the whole time when we went, and was telling my lots of stories, I brought her to random places I want to visit, even introduced her to VR games.

Other than that I met so many people travelling around purely because of the games in that hostel. They shared a lot of stories that makes me realized how big this world is and how small I am, and also how big I can dream and achieve too.
I promised myself I have to work much harder in the future, to see the world myself, to meet more people, hear more stories, and also to share the journey to inspire more people, that we can do more than what we think.
I remembered that night leaving GangNeung, the hostel lady even sent me out on the taxi and waved me goodbye. I was so touched by that time.

This is what all happened during my journey in Korea.
A country that I don't speak the language.
A country that I traveled alone by myself.
A country that made me feel so warm despite all hardships.

I then met amazing friends in Miri again, then throughout my trip in Europe for the whole month, and even more amazing people in Perth.

Leaving Perth in three days, although a lot of friends left already. I still feel so sad to leave.
I will not forget random road trips we had, random jogging session, cooking at my house, out for good food after assignments and tests, way to groceries, exploring the campus and all the weird jokes we have.
Also not to forget the Erika house gang, always not forgetting me every time there's good food or going places, always make sure I'm not alone when everyone left. I will miss nights playing board games or simply chatting, I will miss every single one of you. TT

One more month left for 2018, where I have to start a life in another country. Can't believe it's time to fake adult and do professional things. I am not sure whether I am ready, but I hope things will be smooth for me <3

Day 1

It felt like Day 1 in Perth, on the day when everyone left.

It was yesterday when we were still playing and joking, with my heart feeling so full, with their existence. I slept late last night, and was struggling to sleep until morning again.
When they came to fetch Cindy, I was wide awake, I was wide awake but I don't dare to step out my room, thinking that I have to say goodbye to them, and this is the end.
I heard them talking, the voice so familiar that I hear almost everyday here in Perth, that makes life here never dull a day. I cried so much until they left, until I fell asleep again.

When I wake up again, the house was so quiet, thinking that I went through this empty stage when I first came, but after meeting Cindy and she filled my life everyday. Every tough moment became funny when you have someone beside you. So used to someone beside me, so used to the gang's noises, it felt much more empty when their voices are still beside my ear.

Since I ran out of groceries, I walked the way to the nearest mart to get some groceries. Although I did do it alone sometimes but all I kept thinking was the jokes we made to the way to the mart, our first grocery shopping with KQ and stole a trolley all the way home, randomly stopped beside a lake and started feeding ducks. I never realized I am so attached to them, until everyone left.

On my way home, with two huge heavy bags of groceries, it suddenly poured like mad. The weather was probably feeling my emotions, being sad when everyone left. It was a 15 minutes walk back home, and I was drenched dripping with water when I got home. If only someone is together with me, we probably will laughed so hard for this misery, but it's only me, which I can't even laughed a bit.

I know I have to man up, immediately changed and did the laundry, started playing songs loudly and try to clean the house and my room, throwing away and tidy up things.
It was when I can't find one of a card that I use in Malaysia, a very random card which I forgot which bag I left in. I felt so helpless and started to cry very loud, that it fills up every corner in the house.
I forgot how I stopped, but I did finish cleaning the house and found the card, watching random videos that didn't even fill my heart. I don't want to do anything I don't want to talk and I just want to sleep.

I didn't know how I made it to this night. I did a little studying and watch a few other videos. I was crying so much today that my head was in a huge pain. Writing this post makes me cried so much again and even a severe headache. It felt like highschool's camp, when you put all your heart knowing your friends, and in the end we have to leave.

Maybe I am emotionally too weak at times, and I hope there'll be no more goodbyes. It's sad that I don't have someone to talk to about this, and I hope if you're going through this, I will be by your side to give you a hug, as I know how bad it feels, to say goodbye and to be alone.
This year was full of goodbyes, I went to so many places and met so many people, that I know we might not be seeing each other for the next time anymore. Even though I know the relationships will be short, but I still will choose to put all my hearts to all kind souls I met. I know this is a part of growing up, but all the tears shed still haven't makes me any stronger
I hope that day won't come, I am not ready to grow up and I believe these tears shed are worth it for the memories we had.

This is the night I felt so empty because of all the kind souls I met in Perth. <3

Things I am working on

This is my Nth attempt on writing a blog post.
I had been trying to write one throughout the semester but all of it ended in the draft section as my head is in a hugeeeeee mess.

This year was so achieving, at least for my standard.
I had been doing so many things, counting from the beginning of the year: Korea, Olympics, Day6, 6 countries in summer, exchange in Perth, and all those small little things.
I am glad I had been travelling a lot while I am here, attending events too, some might not be achieved but I am already feeling grateful. (Although my grades might not be good LOL)

Things are still a mess, I still need to rush prepare for my JLPT test before I fly back, I still have so many little things to settle (and things I want to do) before leaving here, I still need a proper reply for my year-end internship, I am still not sure about my working hours to achieve.. and guess what? I just bought our tickets to BTS Love Yourself concert in Singapore.

I am so packed with my academic right now. I am still very bad at managing my time (and also my life lol) but I guess the only way is to do it and get it done ONE BY ONE.

This is a short note on: There are so many things we want to do in life. The only way is to keep grabbing chances and pushing yourself. Worrying too much won't help and the only way is to DO IT. As long as you belief you can, you put 120% effort in it, there will be no regrets. Better do it than regretting it =) I BELIEVE YOU CAN.

This semester has been very fruitful so far, and I have to admit I am loving my life here a lot.
I think I'm really lucky, to be given the chances, and to be able to meet amazing people.
Only one semester here is really too short, together with academics to take care of, I don't really have a lot of free time spending around people (half for study half for human HAHA) but I have met so many kind people so far. They accept me as myself, they treat me nice without knowing me, they helped me with my studies and my life, and I can't be grateful enough.

I did not expect myself to make so many new friends. Actually I did not expect anything. So thanks so much for everyone who came to my life.
Maybe it's because I have so little time here I have to try to fill it all, I am feeling so busy everyday, but in a very organized way!

I'm glad I tried to make plans for my tuition free week, I tried to go festivals, events, and concerts, I tried to go on road trips, I tried to have random nights out, and I tried to challenge things I have never done. Above all, I'm glad I'm feeling even more focus on my studies. (OK now I know I am the play hard work hard kind, no play no work haha)
Only thing that is bothering me, no matter how hard I tried and I'm still far, is securing myself an internship at the end of this year. I am a little wakuwaku to start working in the field, and if I can get a one I'm satisfied with, I believe this year is already gonna be so damn amazing.

There are down times too. There are times when I feel why is life so unfair. I felt I am really so lucky having a good family, a good education with good friends. I really do hope life will get easier to each and everyone beside me, as you guys really are angels in my life that makes my life better!

I am glad my friends back in Miri still contact me so often I am touched!!
I really am the kind that don't that the step to contact first so thank you, even a call makes me feel that I am important and thank you for missing me uwu.

Side not: SVT is having a concert in KL tmr which I went with Bii and Joe last year, can't make it to this year but I hope they have fun in Malaysia! *Switch off all social media I am a ball of jealous*

Climb higher, but appreciate.

I remember before changing my blog quote to "Appreciate the little things in life", it used to be "Climb higher, not so the world can see you, but so you can see the world".

I was having my PPE lecture and the class was around 30 students, unlike back in Malaysia, students here are more likely to share their opinions during class.
There was this time when the lecturer asked the class who had done their vacation internship and there were around 5 students who raised their hands, followed by sharing what they did in their internship. Their sharing makes me felt more like what I'm currently studying sounds much more practical, and they gave me the feeling that they are studying not to pass, but to apply it in real life.

I don't know whether it is my Asian kiasu genes working, or it's just the reality dawned on me, I felt that I am so left back. I am being content by able to get good grades, able to do things I like and able to grab opportunities, but I felt still so behind.

This post might be just a reminder for myself, to always be content, but at the same time, aim higher and do more, work harder. I might be good, but I am just not good enough.

I started to think back what I have done during my free time. Maybe I did some volunteering jobs and some exchange program, working on something that I called "interested in". I think I learnt it the hard way, that even though I want to work on more education projects, but everything I can do is just so little, and maybe I should climb higher, becoming stronger and then focus on it.

I might be doing my internship at the end of this year. Back in yesterday I was still so unmotivated to work on it, it felt like a burden to look for internships, and I was still thinking: growing up sucks HAHH
But definitely not today, after some short sharing sessions, it makes the work life sounds so interesting, and this kinda motivated me!

Climb higher, but appreciate. 

Landed and slowly starting the semester

Leaving home was kinda rushed.

Mom was running places with me and sent me to the airport even though she's not feeling well.

The scene from my second flight was 100%, a huge yellow moon so low so huge and so clear.

It was a looong flight, with a loooong sleep and I landed late at night, feeling a little too cold, tired, sleepy and a little scary.
Safely made my way to home, had a hot shower, and went to a little chilly bed with my Koda.

First day here was trying to settle down, I tried to went around a bit, got my SIMcard and bought groceries.
Before I remember I have to go around the campus, I was already with two hands full off bags of groceries LOL
So I ended up not going a lot of places, stayed at home, didn't really know what to do HAHH

Second day here was GREATTTTT.
I got to go out with my friend's friends to town, as they were on a vacation here, I got to go touristy places in Perth!

We first dropped by the campus for Open Day, got a little familiar with the environment. Spot ARMY on campus too!

We then went all the way to the city, dropped off at Elizabeth Quay, took some pictures and walked all the way to Crown Perth.

Accidentally met Hossein which I knew him back in Miri, so we went around the town together too!

Had Honey Creme's ice cream and grapefruite juice. The ice cream was soooo good, insta worthy too!
We then went to UWA to go around, which we passed by the Blue Boat House which is in the middle of nowhere.

Being touristy in another university.

Gang of the day!

We then walked all the way to King's Park for the sunset. It was a long journey as what we only had was Google Maps. We did not get to catch the sunset but the view was amazingggg.

That night we rushed back to town for Korean BBQ for dinner as a long queue was expected.

After dinner, we then suddenly decided to have soju, 3bottles for 7 of us HAHA
Brings back my memories back in Korea, I miss every single one I met in Korea!!
Got a little dipsy as not everyone is good at drinking, we then went to Elizabeth Quay again for the night view. It was so cold and was raining a little so we had the whole place.

First day of school was a little lonely, I went to open my bank account and got my SMARTrider card, went around the campus and I was so bad at direction I spent 30mins to find my class LOL The future me will laugh at my old self XD

Dinner was cooking at home with Cindy.
We accidentally cooked too much LOL

Second day was an early morning 8am class. It was so cold in the morning, such nice weather to sleep I dozed a few times during lecture.

Got to meet up with an old friend after class too.
He showed me around, and we got good food and had a great talk.
Thanks for the meal too!

This kinda sums up the few days after being here in Perth.
Still did not get to make a lot of friends yet, and still getting lost on campus.
Still a little free now, and still finding things to do!

It's getting busier soon I guess!
Will try to keep updating!!

A new life chapter, in Perth

It still feels so surreal, that I am going to do this semester in Perth.

I keep wondering do I deserve all this opportunities, as I don’t think I am good enough. I’m afraid I’ll lose something after gaining so so much.

The past semester break was great, amazingly great. I went to places, living the life. I went back home too, enjoy all the small little happiness with people I love around me.

It’s hard too, I realize, to not lose yourself after so many criticism.

Yesterday was Zoe’s call ceremony at Middle Temple, now she’s officially a barrister. My all time study partner, my inspiration and my motivation now graduated and starting to work!! I miss those days we burn the midnight oil to study for PMR and SPM together, with Jpop and Kpop idols being our motivation all time. We do argue a lot but I’m glad in the end only those lovely memories remain.

This morning I went to a temple near our house, we pray for everything to be smooth for us and everyone to always stay healthy. I really don’t wish for more as I felt I have more than enough, I am having a lot of things that I don’t really think I deserve. For the family to be healthy and things to be smooth is all I wish for.

We then went for last minute shopping and rushed home to pack before rushing to the airport.

It’s amazing how this blog sees me from a little girl knowing nothing, until her first trip alone, travelling to places, and now being a little grown up, knew more things and starting to study abroad. It still feels the same though, I am still afraid of a lot of things, but I am also brave enough to face it.

I still enjoy having life changes, facing all challenges always teach me so many things and grow me up and it makes me feel alive.

I hope in the future, I am able to remain these feelings, being hungry for more and not afraid of changes. I hope to not give up to want to live the life I want, and always be ready to learn more and also work harder.

I don’t know who to thanks, but thank you for giving me all the opportunities, thank you for always supporting me, thank you for staying by my side, thank you for being my motivation and thank you for believing in me. This is to each of you who are by my side. Thank you.

I'll try my best to update more! 

6 movies in 15hours

Just ended 15 hours flight, together with two hours transit in Doha, and also 7 hours in Edinburgh airport the night before, a total of 24 hours. 5 more hours to spend in KLIA with 1 hour flight ahead, and I will be home.

Only times like this, you feel like home is LITERALLY that far.
My flight from Edinburgh to Doha was amazing, might be the few latest Qatar flight, equipped with large wide touch screen, USB and plug.

Finished a total of 6 movies, some halfway, and a few songs in my playlist throughout my flight.

I started with The 8-Year Engagement, a romance, in a total two hours I think I cried for more than an hour. It is THAT touching. It was a movie from a real life story, so the story line made me feel more (or maybe just because the lack of sleep the night before).

Second one was Kingsman, suprisingly, I haven't watched this movie that everyone was talking. A simple nice British movie I guess.

The third and forth movie was during my second flight. Sparks(hanabi) and Isle of dogs. Did not finish both. Sparks was simply nice and Isle of dogs way of story telling was quite special (the guy beside me suggested this one), so special I got bored halfway LOL.

Then, About Time. One of the best movie I've watched. Another romance that caught my heart, and a few lessons that I would really like to remind myself, to always live the moment of every single life episodes.

Last one was Moana, simply watched it for breakfast. Love the soundtrack and the animation, and I simply didn't want to risk another bad movie for my nice breakfast.

Couldn't believe 20days passed by so fast. This will be followed by 2 weeks back home, then another new chapter of life studying abroad in Perth.
Recorded down my summer days in Europe on my Youtube channel, OhMyQiqi. I put quite a lot of effort in constantly producing videos throughout my trip, so please support by watching <3 Although those might just a compilation of a few clips of me turning rounds, thanks for watching.

I'm not sure whether I'm ready for the coming changes and challenges, but I do hope everything will be smooth. Also, let's hope the future me will put effort in updating more frequently. By then, ciao!

The sem before leaving to Perth

Year 2 Sem 2. Done.

I woke up with a severe headache this morning, but I can't sleep in as I have an appointment at 8am later. I guess this is the sense for growing up, so painful.
Finishing my last paper was two days ago, but it felt like weeks ago. This two days was crazy hectic, I have to pack my stuffs, but at the same time have to spend time with the people I think is important here in Miri as this will be our last moments before me leaving to Perth.

This semester was treating me so well and I'm so so grateful for the people around me.
Looking back to my previous posts and writings, I can't recall what happened to me last year and everything seems surreal again. Thank you, for letting the life roller coaster ride a huge lift, everything felt just so right.
I remember I started the semester telling myself to treat people friendly and warm, but don't expect anything in return. Maybe the not expecting part helps, the time spent with the people I new met this semester was amazing. It's not like everyday enjoy kinda amazing, just sitting in class and talking like normal makes me feel amazing.
I got to meet a few friends a younger batch than me, and it started by me unable to choose the same class with my old friends, and I randomly chose a tutorial group, brave myself into the class alone and found out I remembered the wrong time and was late for class, randomly sat with some random strangers as we need to be in a group of three for the weekly assessment, and it turns out they are a bunch of amazing human beings.
Thanks for letting me in your group of friends every week, asked me out for volunteering events together, helping me with my studies, sharing notes and back each other up for lab sessions and weekly group assessment. I will miss the times during tutorial and lab sessions where you guys will share your stories for the whole 2/3 hours. I can't be more grateful to know you guys although this might be our first and last semester spent together, hope we can still keep in touch in the future!!

I also met a few seniors that will cares for my studies by keep saying "fail liao lo" and nags me out for study and food, volunteer to fetch me to campus for classes, accompany me to settle my private stuffs, thanks for not letting me doing this alone, thanks for not buying my "no need I can do it myself", it felt so warm and safe to be with someone else.

By knowing more friends means more social, which is still a pain for me haha.
Most of the times I will still refuse to social, still ignoring messages, still not reply and chat, when I was talked to, but thanks for still staying with me despite me being myself all the time.
Thanks for still diedie drags me out for social, its sometimes tiring but I have to admit it feels warm every time.

Knowing new friends at the same time makes me appreciate for those who stays.
Thanks for understanding and treat me just the same. I still enjoy the communicate without words, hanging out without talking, silent moments when being together. Although sometimes I will be the more annoying one especially when we are really close, the kind that I can kacau you but will merajuk when you kacau me back. Still a balance I need to figure out HAHA

TBH quitting all previous positions and responsible that I joined and worked hard, to make myself a better person, and choose to join what I really enjoy, allows me to be myself more.
I learnt to not care that much, I learnt to let go, at the same time I learn to appreciate.
I learnt to be with myself and not hate myself, although sometimes I still can't accept myself, but I am glad for myself by doing what I want.

This sem seems less achieving, but I felt happier. Learning not to care about what other thinks and the social standards, allow me to do things I think is achieving in my own perspective, and this means a lot to me.

I treated this sem as a new start, as last sem I told myself 失去所有又怎样，重新来过就好了，就像刚到这里时那样 <3 and amazingly it works, new friends, new lifestyle, new things to work on and new things to be happy with. Moreover, the old sweet ones still stays, adding value to this new start. If you are one of those who stays by my side after all these years of me being rude and cold, THANK YOU.

I am still learning how to give, still learning how to be nice and good to people around, thanks for being patient with me, I hope one day I will give you lots of love just like how you guys gave me, be there with you when you needed just like how you guys helped me through. By then, I will try my best.

I'm leaving to Perth for a semester, and it makes this amazing start a stop, and I really hope its just a pause. New environment mean more challenges, and I hope I am ready. I hope life treats me great, and I hope I am strong enough to fight my next battle.

See you when I see you then.

Random trip to Bintulu

It feels more like the annual trip to Bintulu LOL
Three years here in Sarawak, the place I went other than Miri and Brunei is Bintulu, and suprisingly I'm visiting it annually.

This trip was random. Crazily random.
I went with V, which I think we just got close for two weeks(?) and here comes our first trip. Life is amazing huhh.
Thank you for this random trip, a rest much needed. Especially got more motivation to move on with this dull life, with a weekend full of babies and good food.

It was her niece's one year old birthday and her hometown is in Bintulu so she have to travel all the way back there and her mum was quite worried for her to travel alone. I know sometimes it sucks to have a long bus ride alone too. Me being myself enjoy long rides and random trip, so without even thinking I followed her to Bintulu HAHA
I did not even have time to pack the night before, and only on that morning I tried to squeeze everything into my backpack. I am very proud of my packing skills.

That day we had a almost 4 hour bus ride to Bintulu, which we kinda eat and watch videos all the way, and I slept through the ride LOL

I was the one mostly sleepinggg

Her cousin picked us up at the bus terminal and I really have to say in this three years, Bintulu really did developed a lot, they have a nice bus terminal now with air conditioned waiting area.

We then went to her cousin's house and here three babies welcomed me. Paradise.
We rest for a while, showered, changed and went to the dinner venue. She met her family members, and me keep staying by her side,weirdly not feeling awkward. I just simply love the vibes of their family that everyone is so welcoming I felt like home!
Thinking in another way, it's another way to experience the local life here I guess. Finally having the chance after been there three times HAHA

Babies just love me huhhh XD

That night I really did enjoy a lot of good food. Not to forget the cheese tart, I won't tell you I had eight of them (it's small okayyy)

Baby Yona turns ONE!

Birthday set up

cake for the day

the extremely yummy mini cheese tarts

Us with the highlight of the day

That night we slept at her aunt's place, we had a great talk with her aunt and cousin, it just feels right. I brought my computer and tried to study, it did not work, we ended up watching a movie, and felt asleep halfway LOL

Slept tgt in a newlywed room lol

The next morning we had an early breakfast, with amazingly good local food and went back to Miri.

Bintulu local breakkie is loooove

Way back home was full of eating and sleeping too

It was a short and sweet trip. A highlight of this dull semester. Thanks for the babies, and the good food. Till we meet again!!

害怕失去的人，都在失去。

抽空把几篇旧文爬了一遍，其实是单纯考试快到了，要读书却专心不了。

什么时候开始更新得越来越少，

因为觉得伤心的事多于开心的事，

渐渐把开心的事都一点点忘掉。

也许是长大了吧，

不能像以前那么天真，

说好的不想长大呢？

现实真的好残酷，

但我依然想努力不被现实磨平棱角。

最近遇到想珍惜的人，

从第一次见面，到第一次说话，到第一次谈心，好快。

我说我好怕，速战速决，

因为在受伤很多次后，我真的不敢再希望了，

太多的希望，总是换来被遗忘的失望。

也许因为快要离开了，

人变得有点潇洒，

怕什么，又不是没被遗忘过。

与其胆小的不敢前进，

我选择创造回忆，

以后的事，以后再说，

因为这样，才发觉因为害怕去尝试，害怕失去，

而错过了好多，失去了好多。

我很久未试过这么接近一个人了，

虽然我知道这条路不是很远，

我知道不久我就会下车，

可是，这一分钟，我觉得好暖。

这是送给一位朋友，

在我上完课问了老师两句、走出课室--发现自己又被遗忘--默默在学校去把该完成能完成的事情做一遍后--在学校被遗忘的仓库大哭一场--若无其事走出来时，

给我发信息--发现午餐没吃 食堂都没饭时--就算我说没关系也让我要出去吃饭--再陪我去上课的朋友，

也许你觉得没什么，

也许你觉得我软弱矫情，

但对我来说这不止那么简单。

如果一个人的存在，

让你觉得浪费的时间都是幸福的，

那管他对不对，

毕竟在一起的日子里，

你创造了最美好的回忆，

就够了，

管他长久不长久，

就算没结果，

我也想走这一段。

Falling into place

I saw this quote online last year and instead of just screenshotting it, I wrote it down on my notebook, and hoping things will get better. I remember I was so lost at that time and just writing this down, I wet the whole page with tears because it really do hurts a lot that time.

Just right after I posted my last post, like a miracle, I felt things started to fall into place. I got an exchange offer after being rejected, celebrated our achievement for IGV department we worked for last summer, followed by a new government for my country.
Things starting to feel right, I met someone who makes me feel belonged too, when I feel so lost and alone everyday. Someone that stops me from hiding in my house my room everyday.  I hope this lasts long.
Exchange?
Going to Perth for exchange is always my dream? I never tell anyone because I felt its something so far away and something that is almost impossible to achieve. You can tell I never tell my goals here but only sharing when its achieved most of the time. This place is somewhere I show my positive happy things, and for all the BloodSweatTears, it goes to my diary, sometimes my notebook.

Because this time, I felt like its an achievement after so long, I really want to share the whole journey.
It started when I know I won't want to study in Perth as I don't want to spend that much money just to study abroad when I can do the same here and getting the same certificate in the end. I was hoping to get a scholarship for my final years to study there, but then let's be real, the chances are rare, and if I get any chance, I will of couse grab it.
It was last year when I was in Year1Sem2 when I saw about this exchange program, but one of the requirement to apply is being at least a second year student. That time I was a bit down for not meeting the requirements, but at the same time I was thinking "Hey! Let's apply this next semester then!"
Things did not go very well as they did not open for application for the next semester when I was is Year2Sem1 and since the exchange program started just for a semester, I was thinking maybe they cancelled the program as things may not be going well. I was a little down for that, but I cheered myself up thinking maybe this program is open once every year. Trying to be postive LOL

I remembered I listed exchange as my goal when I felt lost last year and trying to pick myself up. I was planning to apply for the program in Daegu, I was planning to go for Olympics, I was planning to go for this exchange (although that time I was not even sure whether this program is still going on).
It felt so achieving, ticking off goals. Done my project in Daegu, attended Winter Olympics and now, I got the exchange opportunity!!! It felt just like a dream.

This was what I wrote when I found out the exchange program was still going on earlier this semester. I know the chances might be very low, and when I went to get the form from the officer, she told me the quota for engineering students is very limited, and it is hard to get the place. As I always think that me being active in clubs and activities will be a bonus for my application, the only thing they asked from me, is my Academic Transcript. EVERYTHING BASED ON MY ACADEMIC. aka lower chance XD Although my results are not really bad, quite good, but I'm not the very top students that gets into the VClist.
That time, I was lost, I still feel I was back behind and I was not feeling positive for this. Picking myself up step by step was not easy, it was hard, but little by little, and submitting the application form is one of the steps.

This was written during the beginning of the semester. "Things I want to work hard on." The first two was a little private, but I did listed exchange as the 4th important things I want to work on, although that time I had totally no idea how to do it.

I did not get the offer straight away. I got rejected once. That time I was quite down for that, but this is life, things will not always be like what we hope for. There are good times, and of course the bad ones. 50/50. Bad ones make us look forward to the good ones, and sometimes make the good ones even more precious. Just like this time =)

I remember it was an afternoon when I went out for lunch with some of my friends. I was squeezing in the car when I got a call from the officer asking me whether I am still interested in the exchange program. I immediately say YES YES and trying my best to sound as cool as I can but seriously in my mind in my heart it was a huge mess. Could not contain my excitement, I immediately confirmed with my dad, and him being as supportive as always, encouraged me to go for this opportunity.

That night, I got home and sat in front of my desk, and let the reality settled in. I could not hold back but shed happy tears as this is really what I longed and hoped for.
Tbh I was really down this semester as there are really a lot of people that makes me feel I am not important. I was always left out and I wonder is it because I am not good enough to be with. I might not be the kind that always study but I know when to have fun and when to be serious. I am questioning myself whether I should change my way, to be accepted. Maybe when we are growing and the academics goes harder, people just want to stay with those who kept studying and scoring, instead of someone who is a little laid back. It was a hard choice for me, as I know how much I was stressed out before this and I don't want this to repeat, but then if I don't change, people just won't accept me and I hate the feeling being alone and left out. 
This is still something I need to sort out, and it is still something I need to find a balance, but this opportunity, it really helped me to gain back a little of my confidence, a little of assurance that my way of living and treating study is not wrong. So thank you, for this approvment.

I know there are still a lot of things to settle, and a lot of things to prepare myself for this journey. I know it won't be easy and I might fail even more, but I think and I hope that I am ready.
There are still so many uncertainties, that I still don't dare to share the news to my friends so if you are reading this, you are the first few to know XD

IGV Celebration

We celebrated as IGV got to be the most contributing for the Miri community development for last year. It was a little unexpected and it was another assurance after working as a Project Director for Speak Up! Did not regret joining AIESEC or working as an IGV member all way long. This dinner makes me felt like home again, and without all those heavy responsibility and deadlines, it was even really a great talk and a great meal.
We went for the sunset and beach while waiting for our food.

My boss.

We really did had a great meal, belanja by AIESEC =))))

That night I came back for the election results, and went to sleep halfway when we almost won. Woke up to a public holiday and my class all canceled after I got ready, I went back to sleep and woke up to another email saying NO HOLIDAY. I then went all the way to the campus for a one hour tutorial class, which ended up the lecturer did not come. LOL.

Got home to my comfy place. Hello new government.

We did our choice. Now let's hope there will be a better future.

If you are feeling lost. I hope this post can cheer you up. Things will eventually get better. Just like how mine did. This is to the past and future me too.

Ending this post with one of my favorite song when I was lost, and my favorite now too as it just makes sense. SAZANKA.