Falling into place

I saw this quote online last year and instead of just screenshotting it, I wrote it down on my notebook, and hoping things will get better. I remember I was so lost at that time and just writing this down, I wet the whole page with tears because it really do hurts a lot that time.

Just right after I posted my last post, like a miracle, I felt things started to fall into place. I got an exchange offer after being rejected, celebrated our achievement for IGV department we worked for last summer, followed by a new government for my country.
Things starting to feel right, I met someone who makes me feel belonged too, when I feel so lost and alone everyday. Someone that stops me from hiding in my house my room everyday.  I hope this lasts long.
Exchange?
Going to Perth for exchange is always my dream? I never tell anyone because I felt its something so far away and something that is almost impossible to achieve. You can tell I never tell my goals here but only sharing when its achieved most of the time. This place is somewhere I show my positive happy things, and for all the BloodSweatTears, it goes to my diary, sometimes my notebook.

Because this time, I felt like its an achievement after so long, I really want to share the whole journey.
It started when I know I won't want to study in Perth as I don't want to spend that much money just to study abroad when I can do the same here and getting the same certificate in the end. I was hoping to get a scholarship for my final years to study there, but then let's be real, the chances are rare, and if I get any chance, I will of couse grab it.
It was last year when I was in Year1Sem2 when I saw about this exchange program, but one of the requirement to apply is being at least a second year student. That time I was a bit down for not meeting the requirements, but at the same time I was thinking "Hey! Let's apply this next semester then!"
Things did not go very well as they did not open for application for the next semester when I was is Year2Sem1 and since the exchange program started just for a semester, I was thinking maybe they cancelled the program as things may not be going well. I was a little down for that, but I cheered myself up thinking maybe this program is open once every year. Trying to be postive LOL

I remembered I listed exchange as my goal when I felt lost last year and trying to pick myself up. I was planning to apply for the program in Daegu, I was planning to go for Olympics, I was planning to go for this exchange (although that time I was not even sure whether this program is still going on).
It felt so achieving, ticking off goals. Done my project in Daegu, attended Winter Olympics and now, I got the exchange opportunity!!! It felt just like a dream.

This was what I wrote when I found out the exchange program was still going on earlier this semester. I know the chances might be very low, and when I went to get the form from the officer, she told me the quota for engineering students is very limited, and it is hard to get the place. As I always think that me being active in clubs and activities will be a bonus for my application, the only thing they asked from me, is my Academic Transcript. EVERYTHING BASED ON MY ACADEMIC. aka lower chance XD Although my results are not really bad, quite good, but I'm not the very top students that gets into the VClist.
That time, I was lost, I still feel I was back behind and I was not feeling positive for this. Picking myself up step by step was not easy, it was hard, but little by little, and submitting the application form is one of the steps.

This was written during the beginning of the semester. "Things I want to work hard on." The first two was a little private, but I did listed exchange as the 4th important things I want to work on, although that time I had totally no idea how to do it.

I did not get the offer straight away. I got rejected once. That time I was quite down for that, but this is life, things will not always be like what we hope for. There are good times, and of course the bad ones. 50/50. Bad ones make us look forward to the good ones, and sometimes make the good ones even more precious. Just like this time =)

I remember it was an afternoon when I went out for lunch with some of my friends. I was squeezing in the car when I got a call from the officer asking me whether I am still interested in the exchange program. I immediately say YES YES and trying my best to sound as cool as I can but seriously in my mind in my heart it was a huge mess. Could not contain my excitement, I immediately confirmed with my dad, and him being as supportive as always, encouraged me to go for this opportunity.

That night, I got home and sat in front of my desk, and let the reality settled in. I could not hold back but shed happy tears as this is really what I longed and hoped for.
Tbh I was really down this semester as there are really a lot of people that makes me feel I am not important. I was always left out and I wonder is it because I am not good enough to be with. I might not be the kind that always study but I know when to have fun and when to be serious. I am questioning myself whether I should change my way, to be accepted. Maybe when we are growing and the academics goes harder, people just want to stay with those who kept studying and scoring, instead of someone who is a little laid back. It was a hard choice for me, as I know how much I was stressed out before this and I don't want this to repeat, but then if I don't change, people just won't accept me and I hate the feeling being alone and left out. 
This is still something I need to sort out, and it is still something I need to find a balance, but this opportunity, it really helped me to gain back a little of my confidence, a little of assurance that my way of living and treating study is not wrong. So thank you, for this approvment.

I know there are still a lot of things to settle, and a lot of things to prepare myself for this journey. I know it won't be easy and I might fail even more, but I think and I hope that I am ready.
There are still so many uncertainties, that I still don't dare to share the news to my friends so if you are reading this, you are the first few to know XD

IGV Celebration

We celebrated as IGV got to be the most contributing for the Miri community development for last year. It was a little unexpected and it was another assurance after working as a Project Director for Speak Up! Did not regret joining AIESEC or working as an IGV member all way long. This dinner makes me felt like home again, and without all those heavy responsibility and deadlines, it was even really a great talk and a great meal.
We went for the sunset and beach while waiting for our food.

My boss.

We really did had a great meal, belanja by AIESEC =))))

That night I came back for the election results, and went to sleep halfway when we almost won. Woke up to a public holiday and my class all canceled after I got ready, I went back to sleep and woke up to another email saying NO HOLIDAY. I then went all the way to the campus for a one hour tutorial class, which ended up the lecturer did not come. LOL.

Got home to my comfy place. Hello new government.

We did our choice. Now let's hope there will be a better future.

If you are feeling lost. I hope this post can cheer you up. Things will eventually get better. Just like how mine did. This is to the past and future me too.

Ending this post with one of my favorite song when I was lost, and my favorite now too as it just makes sense. SAZANKA.