Rabies.

不知道该怎么开始继续写，
偶尔会看回这个blog，
然后尝试开始再记录生活，
但发现再也怎么找不回以前的感觉和文笔了，
索性不找，用着我快烂掉的华语，
用很多错别字的方法，
记录一下最近挺让我崩溃的一件事，
我被狗咬了。

只要在Curtin读书，住在Waters和Perkasa area的人就会知道，
每天走去搭巴士，被狗跟的痛苦。
一开始我还是挺庆幸的，
因为曾经一段时间每天早上跑步的时候，
遇到的的狗狗都会呆呆看着我路过，
完全没有要理睬我的意思。
久而久之我就有这侥幸的心理，
偶尔被跟，吓一下很快就忘了。

那天傍晚我很若无其事的走回家，
在我完全没想到会有狗狗出现的地方，
多了四五只狗，
眼前两只狗还在路中间打架，
在我心想是不是该绕回去走掉时，
两只狗狗同时抬起头看到我，
再疯狂地向我跑来，
大声吠的同时还引来了旁边那四五只狗狗，
在眨眼的瞬间我完全被吠个不停的狗狗包围了。
那时的状况就是，
前进也不是、后退也不是，
在犬吠声中走一步是一步。

然后其中一只狗就咬了我的小腿。

一开始我还以为是被蹭了一下，
吓到喊了一声，
用手摸摸，口水。
整个人不好了，怎么今天的狗狗那么凶。
头脑满满的是我要先逃掉这里。

终于终于，走过那一小段很长很长的路，
狗狗终于放弃了我，
低头一看，被咬了，怎么办。

那时可能狗吠很大声，
旁边朋友邻居都出来看了，
看到我被咬后说了一堆，
要去医院打针，Sarawak有狂犬病的，
几个月前Kuching才有人因为这样去世。
我整个大傻眼。

记得那天待在学校整天做事，
现在FinalYear了，说有多忙就有多忙，
我只想回家洗个热澡，再继续做事，
突然被狗咬还说会死掉是怎么一回事lol

-------
We rushed to Columbia hospital,
and the wound first just looked like this.

Nothing bad right.
I got a tetanus injection and the nurse helped me clean my wound.
I called my dad on my way to the hospital,
telling him everything just for the insurance,
while I was suffering with all the injections and wound cleaning,
Bii called as I didn't get the chance to tell her yet,
dad was quite worried and called her.
I was trying my best to explain to her,
which kinda divert my attention and helped the process much better.
The doc there asked me to go to the general hospital the next morning to register with the dog bite clinic and they will helped me more on my wound.

It was quite tidy the day before,
and I did not felt anything bad,
until I went to the hospital dog bite clinic.

They first helped me to clean my wound again,
and ended up me doing myself, like THIS. HELLO.
The nurse even asked me why did I not run.
To my knowledge, you shouldn't run when there's a dog, as the dog might get excited and started running even more.
The nurse said: Well, you did not run, the dog still bit you. No differences right.
LOL.

and the wound dressing became like THIS.
SO. MESSY.

Things are worse after that,
I went to the god bite clinic,
and the doc there tell me I have to have MORE INJECTIONS.
Since Sarawak is still declared under Rabies,
I had to have six vaccines injections separately on my DAY 1, 3, and 7.
Imagine have to travel all the way so far,
when you are already crazily busy with your assignments and tests.

Since my wound is quite deep,
the doc says I still have another six injections on my wound.
Since the vaccine has a limited period of active time,
I will have to go anytime they ask me to.
Worse come to worse,
I have to travel all the way to Bintulu for the vaccine,
depends on where they decide to send the batch of vaccine.

Me overthinking and over-worrying things did not make this easier.
If you google search on Rabies,
you will realize how scary it is.
Worrying about my tests,
worrying about my assignments,
worrying about the injections,
worrying about my life. LOL.

It was one of the worse period I had.
I tried to not feel anything,
coming out with a list of things to do everyday,
waking up and finishing it,
work till late night,
come out with another list,
go sleep and wake up to finish that list of things.

My mind was full of,
EAT PROPERLY, DO THINGS PROPERLY, REST PROPERLY.
好好吃饭、好好休息、好好做事。
I was so worried I will have a breakdown and things getting out of my control.
I just want to get over this period.

Things were abit better when I can just have my vaccine here in Miri,
and ... my wound is a heart shape lol.

I did not know how it became this worse too lol.

Coming to the end of this sem.
I'm kinda glad I survived everything.
Things could've been worse right,
I might just fall and got bit in the face,
tearing out my meats and muscles and all.
Quite lucky I just got a bite.
Quite proud I went through all these shit.
At least I did not die, or haven't die yet lol.

The cute dogs appeared to be not that cute anymore,
thinking that any bite from them might end up with rabies that will take your life,
if not, you still have to go through all stupid injections of vaccine,
and a lifetime worrying about it.
Now I kinda just hope the dogs in the neighborhood disappear,
stop making people worry and stop causing trouble.
For those dog owners,
keep them at home and take good care of them,
the wild dogs might have rabies and you won't know what will happen to your dogs that you left out of you gates.

Learning lessons

I missed my flight.

This is not the first time me having problems while flying.
I bought the wrong ticket after checking several times,
I last minute found out having a wrong date for my return flight after checking a few times too,
I forgot my passport while flying back,
I brought 30kgs luggage and realise I only have 15kg to check in,
what else... flying around is a nightmare for me, nothing is right,
that is probably why sometimes I am very stress when having to fly alone,
I check everything again and again but probably the stress overcome me most of the time,
things still always go wrong, just like today.

I was sitting at the opposite of the boarding gate,
right after I touched down, waiting for my time to get in,
I was looking at the time every 5mins,
and was staring at the gate for 15mins (probably at the time I have to get in),
I didn't know what is wrong with me,
I just didn't process everything with my brain somehow,
until gate closed.

I walked to the gate, seeing the door starting to get passengers from the other flight,
and getting rejected to get on the flight, seeing it still in front of me,
started panicked and called dad and mentally collapsed several times in a very short time.

I tried to get myself together for a few times a failed to can't stop crying all the way,
from in front of the gate, until I walked my way out of the arrival hall to the departure hall,
asked at the flight counter and bought another ticket,
I called dad and he did not did not scold me (although he did later),
asking me to stop feeling sorry and find a solution instead,
Zoe also saying that she will be coming over later after work as tmr is a holiday,
making me at least having something to look forward.

It's now four hours since I missed my flight,
sitting in a coffee shop waiting time to pass by,
with a lot of wantans produced in front of all the workers,
can't stop tearing thinking what happened today,
being very tired at the same time grateful.

I woke up at 7am today,
still being sick since the past few days,
did not have a charged power bank,
but an overweight baggage I still need to settle,
what's more tired than this.
But what makes me cry-stop non stop,
is dad worrying me at the same time asking me to learn my lesson without scolding me,
Zoe trying to tell me worse story to make my life better lol,
and coming over to spend a few hours through the night,
and VVP promise me to wake up early for me and fetch me at the airport (she better do),
to make me look less kelian (although I kinda forced her to, saying I am alrdy very kelian lol).

This is already not the first time this happened,
calling my dad crying that I need to buy a new flight tickets happened before,
everything happened today was just the same few years ago when I bought the wrong date,
and I am quite disappointed in myself for not learning my lesson,
and did not grow even a little in these few years,
just a little more kiamsiap and willing to wait a little longer for a cheaper tix,
very disappointing.

I hope this teaches me to grow up,
to be more alert,
to be more responsible,
and earn more money (so I can just missed all dem flights),
be more energetic handling things,
stop being always tired,
be someone I always want myself to.

I hope one day,
future me,
you are all grown up like dad and Zoe,
being able to calmly handling all your shits,
or let's hope there will be no shits in your life =)

To those who are very sad,
very negative mentally currently,
I hope things will get better,
everything will be over one day,
and good things will come once the bad once are over.

Alcohols and hugs

Three days at home,
with two nights crying,
and two nights drinking,
life is THAT overwhelming.

A lot of things is changing,
the people around me,
my own life,
and the life of the people around me.

Its another huge change,
not in my life,
but the middle of our lives.

I still need to learn how to handle changes,
I wish I could teach others how to handle changes too,
including teaching my own self.

I hope the old me can come out and give me motivation,
the old me can teach me how to find direction,
and the old me to share how positive I was.

My emotions are like a roller coaster ride,
which I can't even control,
and I am already tired of this scary ride,
I hope this ride will stop soon,
give me time to settle down my dizzy mind,
take a breathe before I am ready for more.

One thing in my mind that keeps me going on,
her voice that tell me "no point of worrying of this things",
no one can tell me this except her,
our time spent not together is longer,
that might be the reason how good is she in my imagination,
but this imagination keeps me going on,
and I believe that is the only thing that matters.

For now,
this two mental break down,
thanks for dad's alcohol and hugs,
can't wait to grow up,
can't wait to settle down,
but I still don't get enough of this YOLO yet,
me having different thoughts.
Ughh.
Sleep. Nite.

Ending life as an intern

Two weeks left before I leave this big city.

Seeing everyone going to work in the early morning, and seeing the dim office light in the all dark office in the evening, everyone is struggling to be something. I sometimes wonder do they overthink like me, do they enjoy their busy hectic job, or do they just work for the sake of working, being numb with the everyday life.

Surrounded by people working their ass off every day, sometimes getting to experience the sardine train during peak hours, and the peanut butter jam on my way to work, is quite a dream come true to me.

I do enjoy living in small city, enjoy the peace and a lay back lifestyle, just like my hometown. That will be exactly the life I want when I grow old, but not just yet. I still feel like discovering the potential lies, or maybe just experience working the hardest when I am still young and having the energy. I am not afraid to fall, but afraid of not trying.

This three months in KL was eventful, and also, too short.

I am not ready to leave yet, as I feel I still have so much to learn, and the time being here is too short and I still feel that I can achieve more, if I am given the time. Life in a big city turns out to be exactly what I imagine (some part). I love how I am working some important and responsible things at work, communicating with people in the same field, using technical terms that only we understand, that feels professional and to think it deeper, it is something that I brought myself to, after studying these years, getting into this company, doing this small little role in the company. I am proud, although quite insignificant in this company. This small little achievement proud rush makes me want to achieve more, and become bigger. Hope this big dream of mine will be closer!

I am also liking how this time I got to achieve this work-life balance thingy (except for days Zoe finish work at 10pm and the only thing I want to do going home is sleep).

Other than that I do exercise, I do cook, and I started drawing too. On weekends I meet my friends, I visit places that I want to, I spent time with important people and I fill time up with the things that makes me happy. I tried to fill up all my time so I won’t feel empty, and it kinda work for this period, hope it still works the same for next semester.

Saying of filling up time. OOR is ‘crashing’ Ed Sheeran’s concert, a day before my birthday. I felt like giving myself a present, a tix to the concert but guess who spent a huge amount of money on BTS concert in SG I don’t think she can afford anymore although this time it’s much more cheaper ._. Let’s hope one random night I go YOLO and spend all my food money on that, sounds quite great I can go on diet and slim down too LOL

Saying of concert, BTS IN SG. Through this period of time I also went to Singapore, twice.

Once is for BTS concert and another time is for a site visit to the FPSO. Both were extremely great memories that I don’t have time to write my feelings into words and I hope I have the time soon! Now Singapore has much more meaning, because at the beginning of this year, 2019 when I was young, 22, I made the greatest memories with the loveliest people there, and also learnt so much and gained my first experience on site too!

I always tell people I am not ready for it to end just yet, just like how I told here. I had this mindset since I first came I guess, everything is just like rainbow cotton candies, fluffy and sweet since the first day, and I really hope things can just stay this way, forever. But I guess there are more responsible, more challenges I have to face, getting out the comfort zone (again, soon) to grow myself more before back to this lifestyle, where I work hard for things I want, in this busy and cold steel forest, but never failed to amaze me with every day with surprises and keeps me in awe.