It's the last semester of my degree,
and Helpless is what I feel everyday.
Looking at the past,
I am very sure I tried my very best,
but the outcomes are always not what I expected.
Of course I want more,
I always make sure I won't regret by giving my all,
but I always fail myself,
making me think that is that I am not good enough,
or I just should have push myself even more.
I hate my life,
and I hate it even more,
when I don't have the strength to change things.
I hope I am happier,
but people and things just fail me all the times.
I learnt to not expect or hope for things,
because it will always end up differently,
and I am the one always getting hurt.
but because of that,
I hate myself now that have to not expect everything.
I am trying to do something meaningful everyday,
to fill my days up with positive things,
someone told me that trying to think positively,
is already a good attempt to be positive,
and it is already a good start.
I feel its so pathetic,
to have to make myself feel better by thinking this way,
just because we know we can't really do more anymore,
and this is the most we can do.
What to do?
We really have nothing we can do,
that's why we ask this question that we already had the answer.
We lived through life like this,
and we can only live our life like this,
because life is like this.
Its not something we can change by just thinking about it,
but trust me one day I will get out of everything,
leave every disappointed things behind,
but now I am just too small and too helpless.
Until that day,
I will continue feel this helplessness,
and live this life.
and Helpless is what I feel everyday.
Looking at the past,
I am very sure I tried my very best,
but the outcomes are always not what I expected.
Of course I want more,
I always make sure I won't regret by giving my all,
but I always fail myself,
making me think that is that I am not good enough,
or I just should have push myself even more.
I hate my life,
and I hate it even more,
when I don't have the strength to change things.
I hope I am happier,
but people and things just fail me all the times.
I learnt to not expect or hope for things,
because it will always end up differently,
and I am the one always getting hurt.
but because of that,
I hate myself now that have to not expect everything.
I am trying to do something meaningful everyday,
to fill my days up with positive things,
someone told me that trying to think positively,
is already a good attempt to be positive,
and it is already a good start.
I feel its so pathetic,
to have to make myself feel better by thinking this way,
just because we know we can't really do more anymore,
and this is the most we can do.
What to do?
We really have nothing we can do,
that's why we ask this question that we already had the answer.
We lived through life like this,
and we can only live our life like this,
because life is like this.
Its not something we can change by just thinking about it,
but trust me one day I will get out of everything,
leave every disappointed things behind,
but now I am just too small and too helpless.
Until that day,
I will continue feel this helplessness,
and live this life.
Hi there AKI, congratz on your final step (sem) towards graduation! The fact that you felt this kind of helplessness might be a sign that you are now even matured as you started to worry upon many things. First off, I am sure that you have tried your best throughout your life up to this point and, hey, you are about to graduate! Which means you must have, at the very least, went through all the hurdles in your previous years of endless studies in university. Even tho you said you have failed in achieving your expectations sometimes and some regrets were made along the way, but fear not! those regrets which make you cringe before falling asleep at night are there to serve as reminders, to remind you that you are capable and are able to achive more! It's perfectly okay to be greedy on your own ability! However, please don't loathe on yourself just because you can't seem to be what you could have imagined. Take a step back and figure out what are you lacking and try to acquire this lacking attribute to make a better version out of yourself. By the way AKI, we, like all normal people, can't really change the things around us, just like you said, life is like this; people and things often failed us because we might expect too much from them. Thanos is right: "Reality is often disapointing." xD. Yeah, again, we can't change things around us, but we can change ourselves! Be what you expect people to be, do what you expect people to do for you; slowly and eventually this change in you will then influence subtle changes indirectly to our surroundings. On a side note: how to think positively?the answer is always happiness. Take some rests and feel free to indulge yourself in doing things that can make you happy! be it binge eating, binge watching drama or any other activities that you like to do which are not hard to perform and could also be achived instantly. This comment might be a bit too late lol. Take good care of yourself during this covid-19 quarantine season and lastly: Cheer up gurl! just hold on a little longer, push a little more then you will survive through this final semester of your degree and declare yourself successful in attaining a new milestone in your life!
ReplyDeleteHey! Thanks for the encouragement words! Couldn't be more grateful it help me through my lowest. I am happy with where I am now (for now =p) and hopefully with more burden I will be achieving more milestones!
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